A few weeks ago I wrote about my first experience of therapy and the issues that can arise when the relationship between client and therapist is weak. Thankfully that wasn’t my last visit to the therapy room. A few years later, in my early thirties, I decided to try once again. I spent a little more time researching potential therapists, reading their profiles on counselling directory and getting a feel for who they were. I found someone who felt like a good fit and for around 18 months I spent an hour with her each Tuesday, sitting in a studio at the bottom of her garden, working through everything from childhood issues, to parenting guilt, to relationship problems.
My experience with my second therapist couldn’t have felt more different to my first attempt at therapy. I felt comfortable. I felt accepted. And I felt safe. Feeling this way enabled me to be vulnerable in our therapeutic relationship, something that was quite alien to me. I shared my emotions which in turn allowed me to explore them and gain some understanding of why I felt that way and how it impacted my behaviour.
As well as helping me to explore my issues, it’s not an exaggeration to say that my time with this therapist also helped me to survive my world being turned upside down. When my marriage ended my therapist held me emotionally in a way that I would never have allowed my friends or family to do. For that hour a week I could fall apart and not have to be strong for the sake of those who worried about me. I’d leave feeling so exposed that it was as though my skin had been peeled off and rubbed in salt. Ultimately, this rawness helped me to process my emotions and move forward.
Why am I telling you this? There are so many reasons. Firstly, if you’ve given therapy a try and it isn’t for you, it might be worth considering whether it’s just that your therapist isn’t for you. Secondly, it’s quite common to go to therapy with one issue, and over the course of your sessions to end up unpacking a huge amount more. It can feel like you’ve opened Pandora’s Box. But the right therapist will be able to help you to work through this and make sense of it all. Lastly, sometimes that hour each week isn’t about working through the past. Sometimes it’s just a space where you can drop your guard and put yourself first, where you can allow yourself to be held instead of holding everyone else.
This wasn’t my last experience of therapy. As part of my degree I had to attend some sessions in order to work through any personal issues that might be triggered by client work. Once again this was a great experience, and the theory I was learning meant I was able to understand myself on a much deeper level. This taught me the power of psycho-education, something which I have now incorporated into my client work.
I have no doubt that I will revisit therapy again in the future, either to maintain my mental health or to help me should life throw a curve-ball my way. As psychologist Noam Shpancer said, 'Mental health is not a destination, but a process. It's about how you drive, not where you're going'. And sometimes the road can get a little bumpy!
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